I live with all girls. I watched my older sister live in a college house full of girls. I spend time at friends’ houses full of girls. Not surprisingly, those are the roommate dynamics that I know. While every house varies, I feel like I have a pretty firm grasp on how girls’ houses work. But what about those houses full of boys?

I came into writing this story thinking I’d get the perspectives of different groups of boys to contrast the way girls handle roommate issues. I bugged my younger brother who lives in Ireland Hall with one roommate, as well as a handful of boys living off campus with groups of friends. The first response I received?

“It’s an animal house.”

With some of these guys, what started as impromptu conversations about their houses quickly turned into something resembling mini therapy sessions. I figured maybe they just don’t normally get the opportunity to vent about their roommates, so they took full advantage of the topic arising. But I discovered that everyone deals with roommate crap.

My stereotypical view was that all boys are OK with living in a dump of a house, no one communicates (or fights) much, and they yell to solve issues (if they ever even come up).

Nope. Not even close.

We all deal with the same problems in our houses, gender aside. Here’s a quick overview of the typical problem instigators in college houses:

The mooch: The one who contributes absolutely nothing. Whether it’s toilet paper or cleaning supplies, the mooch purchases nothing for the good of the entire house and probably doesn’t even realize it. For boys, it’s borrowing clothes and food; clothes are replaced, food isn’t. For girls, it’s dish soap and tampons. Either way, the mooch doesn’t understand that it only constitutes as “borrowing” something if you eventually return it.

The sculptor: The one who manages to turn a stack of dishes into an art form. The sculptor piles bowls and plates into a game of Jenga on a weekly basis. It’s almost impressive, really. You can unload the dishwasher right in front of sculptors, and they’ll continue building their dish pile until it tumbles into the sink or it “magically disappears.” Their other forte is typically the construction of the Leaning Tower of Pisa in the garbage cans around the house. For this one, there’s no difference between boys and girls–the sculptor is a slob, case in point.

The loudmouth: The one with no concept of volume whatsoever, no matter the time of day. The loudmouth will incessantly pound on the front door at midnight after forgetting a house key and scare the absolute crap out of sleeping roommates. Got an early test tomorrow? The loudmouth will be sure to keep you from a good night’s rest. Finally have a morning off with no alarm set? Don’t worry, the loudmouth will stomp around the house at 7 a.m. to make sure you don’t waste too much of your day snoozing. For boys, this could be the one who screams at his Xbox everytime he loses a game. For girls, this is definitely the one who drunkenly orders Toppers at 3 a.m. and shrieks with joy upon its arrival. Either way, this person is great at interrupting whatever you’re doing and probably has no idea.

The boss: This person is the bossy, parental type of the house. The boss is most likely somewhat of a control freak and has a love/hate relationship with cleaning up after everyone. He or she probably takes care of your bills and loves to hate on the fact that he or she is basically in charge. This person cleans up after the others and annoyingly makes sure everyone knows it.

Do any of these sound familiar? One of your roommates might hold a few of these roles at the same time. One might be the exception to the rule and not identify with any of the above (lucky you). But more likely than not, you just categorized at least some of your roommates into these roles as you read this.

Me? I’m a boss. If I’m forking over all this rent money each month, I want to live in a sanitary, comfortable home. I’m positive that I’ve had moments as an obnoxious loudmouth. I was the sculptor for a few months when I first moved off campus. With roommates changing over the years, some things just got lost in translation: cleaning responsibilities, contributions to house supplies, etc. When people fell behind on these things, I found myself picking up a lot of the slack – but that’s where I went wrong. I became the boss and obnoxiously let everyone know it.

No one took responsibility to deal with utility bills, so I dealt with all of them. When roommates left empty booze and chaser bottles out for days after pregaming, I silently dealt with it. When the bathrooms were left without cleaning for a month, I caved and did it myself. It made me bitter toward my roommates, leading me to resent these girls who were some of my closest friends.

After a semester’s worth of frustration, a meltdown was unavoidable. It happened, and it sucked for everyone involved. But guess what? It sparked communication between all of my roommates, and we haven’t had issues since then. I’m not saying that my outburst solved our issues in the least bit, and I’m not saying that everyone is the perfect roommate now. But it did show us that we were all awful at communicating with one another, and no one was solely at fault.

So how do you deal? It’s no different for boys and girls: call people out point-blank. Be blunt and honest. It sucks and it’s awkward, but you don’t really have a choice (unless you want to pay for the toilet paper they wipe their butts with for the rest of the year). If they’re already on their way to Target, they won’t mind if you mention that the dish soap is empty and the trash needs to be taken out on their way. It’s just a matter of recognizing that and actually doing it.

Helping out a roommate by loading his or her dishes into the washer once in a while or buying an extra set of paper towels while you’re already at the store is great. Your roommates are your friends, and you help friends out –I get that. But when it becomes a pattern, that’s what eventually makes matters worse. And who wants to ruin a friendship just because your lifestyles clash as roommates?

I’m stubborn and passive-aggressive as hell, so confrontation isn’t always my cup of tea. I still dread the situations when I have to ask one of my roommates to unload the dishwasher or pick up some Clorox wipes at the store. Unfortunately, confrontation is just kind of a necessity if you want your house to run smoothly. It doesn’t always have to be a negative thing; sometimes it’s more about being upfront in communication. Either way, ignoring the crap doesn’t make it disappear.

Everyone has different standards of living, especially in a college house setting, so compromises are inevitable to peacefully coexist under one roof. We can be selfish people at this stage in our lives, and that’s perfectly OK. Often, we’re more focused on making ourselves happy than we are on keeping our roommates happy. To some degree, that’s understandable.

Living with your friends can be both a curse and a blessing; communicating to avoid all the crappy issues along the way can make things a little easier. Trust me, it’s worth it. Three years sharing a house with your best friends: can you imagine college any other way?

Anne Gaslin can be reached at gasl8257@stthomas.edu.